It Is Scary to Speak Up

In this journey, one of the most important things that I have realized is that the current school system is simply insufficient to fully support neurodivergent children.  By no means am I bashing the school system and/or the teachers, but it is simply the reality.  If I have 1 recommendation to any parents with neurodivergent children out there, it is that simply following the school's recommendation and "trust" or have "faith" in them is just not going to do the job.  I realized the limitations of teachers in general quite early on, but even then, I also blindly followed the school's recommendation until I realized it simply is not adequate and frankly the school district has misinformed and misled us in so many ways. 

The problem is very complex needless to say.  Whether the school is well funded or not, the caliber of teachers who have true compassion and empathy with somewhat of an understanding for neurodivergent children that is evidence-based or scientifically grounded is simply lacking. I know many people believe that the classroom ratio being too big is a big problem.   And it certainly is a factor.  But, I think that is actually the least of the problem.  There are many neurodivergent children in private school where the classroom size is much smaller and are still struggling.  It comes down to the caliber of the teachers.  Very few of them are trained in understanding neurodivergent children.  It does not matter whether they have received a degree in education or not, they were not trained or taught.  Many school system is behind in their understanding of these children.  They come in with the bias that have caused pain in both the parents and the children.  And sometimes their bias result in long-lasting negative emotional-impact on both the parents and the children.  I, myself, experienced that first hand.  

I first sniffed discrimination just about 3 months into my boys' kindergarten journey.  And let me tell you, we are in a very good school district.  My boy repeated told me that he does not get to wash his hands because he is not able to stand still in-line.  At first, I was hesitant of asking the teacher.  I thought perhaps it was just innocent stuff happening at the hand wash time, and not an intentional recurrent event.  But, after about a month of him literally begging me to ask the teacher to let him wash his hands, I finally approached the teacher.  The teacher coldly told me all children line up and wash their hands.  Since the teacher did not offer any further discussion, I escalated to the principal, unfortunately the the principal referred back to the teacher.  At the same time, there were a couple of incident reports of my boy getting into fights with other children, and all of the incident reports would only down play the intensity of the trigger that led my boy to physically react.  And there was one time, he was kept indoor all day including lunch time for no apparent reason. When I asked, the teacher said it was because he did not keep his hands and feet to himself without explaining exactly what happened. 

At first I could not quite pinpoint what it was that I was feeling.  I just felt something was off.  then I realized this is discrimination staring me in the face.  There was a hyperfocus on my boy's behavior; any behavior that makes the teacher's life a bit more challenging is automatically counted as "wrong" without an attempt to understand the reasoning for the behavior.  Being age 5 is no longer part of the formula for explaining some of the behavior, everything was because he is that child who just want to be a trouble maker.  The reports would somehow portray him to be that trouble maker who just want to hit other kids for "no apparent" reason.  The disciplinary action was inappropriate and without sound reasoning.  None of it was done fairly and correctly. 

Here is another tip, if you sniff something is wrong, something probably is wrong.  And truthfully I was deathly afraid.  But, how is being afraid going to help me in this battle and long journey?  I wrote them an email, and I let them know frankly everything that crossed my mind including the discriminatory treatment and inappropriate disciplinary action.  I let them know that I will use all my resources and advocate for my boy.  And I did! I called an attorney, and an advocate.  The attorney will help us with the best chance of getting him an IEP, that was denied by school when I had first asked for it just shortly when school started.  The advocate will represent my boy during SST meeting and get all of the support that he needs to blossom. 

Let me share with you what happened after attorney is on board; the unfair treatment immediately stopped.  My boy has been a happy camper since then.  So, what does this say about the school system? The unfortunate statement that those with less resources will suffer in this school system is true! I am angered by this whole chain of events.  Just the thought of many children out there who are being treated inappropriately and fairly anger me!  This is the reason I wanted to start this blog.  I want to share what I know and my experiences with others so that it may be helpful for other parents. 

The world will not fight for your children, you are the only one who will.  While it may feel uncomfortable to fight the school, you just have to remember that you are not fighting the school, you are advocating for your child.