I know parenting is a daily job, so to say that this journey requires taking action everyday is not saying much. But what I really wanted to say is that I have found having daily goals for both my boy and I in this journey and be intentional about it has helped me feeling that I have some control on the things that I can do. And having this control gives me a sense of hopefulness. And feeling hopefulness in this journey is very important for me. My daily goals for my boy and I are generally very small. Typical goals for my boy may be being able to sit down and do homework for 5 minutes without getting distracted, follow instruction on first time being asked, going from preferred task to non-preferred task with no more than 3 prompts...etc. Everyday, I intentionally monitor his progress. This is one of my few ways of understanding how he is progressing and re-evaluate whether the strategies are working.
I too have goals for myself in this journey. I am forever learning tricks to be a better guidance and leader in my relationship with my boy. I learn tricks from chat GPT, or social media. I have also taken ADHD-parenting class, which I will go into in another section on my opinions of the class. So daily goals for myself may be small things like taking deep breaths when he is particularly difficult to manage, being able to remain calm when he is having an emotional meltdown, and seeing things from his lens and perspective. These are my everyday intentional action I do for and with my boy because I know ADHD cannot be treated. But rather, my best bet is to teach my boy from very early on how he can manage himself giving the gifts that God has giving him. And this would certainly be a project of a lifetime.
Taking action also have other meanings for me. I have come to accept that this journey is and will be filled with challenges; anticipated or unanticipated. I have witness my own emotional transformation in this aspect. I have realized while emotions are not bad, dwelling on them are not useful. Instead, I have learned to first accept my emotion, understand my emotion, and then with that understanding, formulate best action to take to address the challenge.
For example, I remember when my boy was in pre-school, one day the teacher wrote me a note and states "your boy today hit another student again. It is NOT okay to hit other students." I will never forget this note. At first I thought it was ridiculous that the teacher is writing me this. It is one thing to tell me what happened at school, it is another thing to tell me, the parent, that it is not okay to hit other students as if I would encourage or condone such behavior. I was first angry. I sat alone and cried horribly in my car. At first, I didn't know why I was crying, but then I realized it was shame that I was feeling. I felt ashamed of my boy at that moment. And as soon as I realized that emotion, I knew I was wrong. How can my boy flourish if I, the mother, feel ashamed of him. Immediately I knew that I would no longer allow shame to accompany me on this journey. I will not allow it to ever creep up on me. Under no circumstances should I ever feel ashamed of my boy. The next day, I wrote an email to the school director, and I asked for a meeting. I showed her the note in the meeting, I told her that it is not necessary to have the teacher write a note like that to any parent. I also told her in plain language that my boy's behavior is not coming from lack of parenting. This is a common misunderstanding the world has on boys with ADHD. I told her there is a biological difference in my boy that results in his behavior. The director was actually very kind. She paid attention to what I was saying, and demonstrated empathy. She said she would have a meeting with all the teachers at school about this. This was also the meeting that she suggested I get him tested for needs for special education.
So, here it is. Taking action to me has 2 different meanings:
1.Intentional goals daily, not just for the child, but also for the parent relevant to ADHD learning.
2. When challenge present --> there will be an emotion (could be fear, anger, frustration...etc --> accept and identify the emotion --> understand the root of the emotion (asking myself why I am having this emotion?) --> gather information (from various sources including books, online credible sources, if social media must be sure to check credibility) --> use information gathered + assess own individual circumstances and desires for outcomes --> formulate plans (plans must be actionable) --> act*
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